Death in the Family

I never really talked to anyone about the death of my grandfather. well, that's not entirely true. I tell Allison about it. Sometimes. I don't know, it's hard to talk about it still. There are some moments when it all feels too real. Like, I'll be walking down the steps and the house will feel like 2000x more empty than it does normally. Sudden waves of crushing grief that he is really gone.

I miss him. A lot. I don't let it out, because I don't think I can deal with it all at once. I think about having lost him, and then I get scared. I haven't felt this way since my mother died, and I wasn't even that close to her. I'm scared of losing people I care about. I make a cocoon around me. Very few people get in, and when I do lose someone. its like an entire part of me was shredded through to get get out.

Moving on is rough, and I dread that fast approaching day where I will have to. I don't quite know how it will work out. I don't know how my grandmother will react, I don't know how things will play out. But it has to happen, the stress levels in my life, worrying about Allison and Me, my grandmother, my brother, my job, and the changes I need to make in order to put everything back into balance, something just has to give. And I'm scared it'll be my sanity. People think depression and anxiety are caused by someone being weak, but I never thought that, maybe it's because I've fought with it from age 10 onwards. It's a symptom of having to be strong for long periods of time. The anxiety has been manageable, but the depression is seeping out in other ways. I'm irritable, more than usual, I'm up and down like a bipolar, and I rapidly lose interest in things I was initially excited for.

All of this has so much to do with my grandfather. It's weird, but I feel like if he was around, I'd be able to ask him, and he'd be able to tell me what I should do. It's fucked up, but I rarely asked him for his input, and now all I want is some of his advice.

-J

Am I the only Comic Writer who does this?

Starting work on a new project with a friend of mine, but as I work out the plot for issue 1, I can't help but wonder...

Am I the only one who does this?

It has been a while since I updated.

One would think with me working a night shift I'd have more time to blog.

Truth be told, I could be. I spend about half my time doing proper work, the other half of the time fucking off. I write, of course, jotting down ideas. But a lot of the time I spend writing is spent watching shit on Hulu…. WHich I really want Canada to have. It's amazing. Being able to stream pretty much any TV show…. I just wish I was able to buy plus, because I would honestly stop downloading TV shows entirely. It's research I suppose. It actually allows me to see what's out there beyond what I can only limitedly see (More than whats popular.)

So without further…

SHOWS I LOVE THAT I FOUND ON HULU:

1. Kitchen Confidential.

So this show is from 2004. It's basically Bradley Cooper playing Bradley Cooper as a Chef. I think ti may be partially responsible for his role in a lot of movies. He is a washed out character, who is 1.5 years sober by the time we catch up, and he gets a second chance, being put in charge of a kitchen on a small New York boutique restaurant. I loved it. It's a shame was cancelled.

2. The League

A sitcom about fantasy football league. friends since high school, and their interactions with their families, and a few outside options. I gotta say, I didn't know what this was about before I started watching it. If I had, I may not have watched it. But I'm glad I did. It is hilarious. It's on FX so their is a lot of cussing (But no fucks). I like it and will continue to watch…. Any fans of Archer should check it out, it has a similar type of humour.

3. Misfits.

This one is kind of a cheat. I have wanted to watch this show for some time. But Never got around to it. I am just rounding out the second episode now. And I am enraptured. I'll introduce this one to Allison tonight. I don't know if she'll actually be interested enough to watch it, it's a little vulgar, even by my standards. But I love the british take on this kind of story, and I am looking forward to watching more.

4. Hells Kitchen

So what the fuck. I could be watching this outside of Hulu, but I never in my wildest dream believed I would get hooked like this. I am rooting for some, and want to see one of the bitches get kicked off the show. Needless to say, this show is great and Bad for the same reasons.

SHOWS IN QUEUE

A show called Whites, about Kitchen staff again, i think its less comedy though. Testees. a show about people who are test subjects. It sounds awesome!

In any event….. Back to work