Once upon a time Peter Jackson was going to make all three The Lord of the Rings into two movies.
shopping it around, nobody was down trusting the Meet The Feeble's director with such an expensive gamble. (the guy is talented I'm just giving him shit)
They even wrote the script for one movie, Fellowship, Towers and King all condensed into what I can assume was an incoherent mess, missing characters, merged characters, and what the fuck moments were probably all up in that.
we all know there are three movies, and so did Robert Shaye, a CEO at New Line Cinema.
Peter was granted the pass to make three Lord of the Rings movies, because it just makes sense, three novels three movies. So Fran Walsh, Philippa Boyens, and Peter Jackson (with Stephen Sinclair) wrote the three screenplays.
And I was about 13 years old when The Fellowship of the Ring came out, I was all "fuck Harry Potter" at the time. If you knew me for ten minutes you'd know I was a huge Lord of the Rings fan, it's drastically calmed down since then I assure you.
I even went as far as to do a book report on them in the 8th grade. I owned the extended dvd boner editions and fuck did I watch all the behind the scenes, something like sixteen hours of production footage, pain staking movie magic.
yeah I was a fan, and that's an absolute perfect fan's adaptation of those three books.
So I hear the news Peter Jackson is working on The Hobbit with Guillermo Del Toro, you may know him from his hit film MIMIC. (or Pan's Labyrinth/The Hellboy movies)
I was instantly hard when I heard that news, what a rad pair, I'm sure they can turn The Hobbit into an absolute perfect movie.
The Hobbit is a shorter book than any of the LOTR novels, sitting at around 310 pages. (The shortest being The Two Towers, 424 pages)
I can honestly deal with The Hobbit being two movies, that makes sense in this Hollywood cash grab state cinema is at.
Take a look at The Deathly Hollows. (for the record I still don't think "fuck Harry Potter")
I walked out of the first half so disappointed, nothing fucking happened in that movie, sure it was the first half of the book, they got a lot out of the way, but compared to what was going on in the other movies/books it was the flattest of them all. The second part felt kinda cheated to me in a way, I seen it twice opening weekend, I needed to see it a second time straight if you know what I mean. I walked away from Harry Potter scratching my head as to why those movies were split up.
Breaking Dawn, I didn't think they should of split that into two movies either, but again they got to dive deep into the story and get a lot out of the way, like Bella and Edward having sex, a cringe worthy wedding montage that put Will And Kate's to shame, Edward giving Bella a c-section with his vampire teeth, just scene after scene of fan service.
in the end thats all these movies really are, fan service.
it ends with (spoilers) Bella finally turning into a Trampire. I get how that could be an ending, I mean, if you've decided to cut the book in half.
I wish I could say something about The Hunger Games sequel being split up but I've never actually read those books, and I have yet to see The Hunger Games, is it good? Jennifer Lawrence is hot.
anyways.
Guillermo backed out, and people said the footage looked silly, too many frames per second made the movie look so real it almost looked fake. And earlier this week it was revealed that there would be three Hobbit movies.
extending the appendix, adding new shit, why is Elijah Wood in this flick?
There and Back Again, means you go somewhere and come back, which is pretty much what happens in The Hobbit, it is a shorter book than any of The Lord of the Rings, yet we are going to be treated to three movies... how?
fan service in this case would be cutting that shit out and making this one epic movie, because thats what the novel deserves and fucking is, it's one adventure, Bilbo's first adventure, but it's gotta be 3D, and we gotta sell toys.
fuck did anyone read this book? read it, it's the fucking tits, its a classic literature, my teacher read it to the class when I was still pissing my pants.
I wish this beloved story wasn't being treated like stretchy pants, because you know what happens when you out stretch stretchy pants? they give.
Mind you this is the mere opinion of a big Peter Jackson, J.R.R. Tolkien, and cinema in general fan who quite simply doesn't really give a shit anymore. Just an angry nerd who doesn't want a story about, wizards, trolls, dwarves, and tiny ass people ruined.
maybe he'll do a good job, and maybe it'll be an amazing trilogy, but film is art first and business second. Peter Jackson has made some amazing films, some of my favourite films actually. This just seems kinda fishy.
I'm back writing for I Blog For A Website, sorry this entry was so angry, in the end all I really want to convey is that, I'm no longer stoked for this flick, as much as 13 year old Mitch would hate for me to say, I just don't want to sit through a 3D three parter, for the next three years. I'm done bitching.
and I never laugh at a live dragons.
-mitch
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